Low self esteem can create an endless cycle of ongoing anxiety, stress and all the associated feelings of not being good enough or being worthless.
It’s like you’ve been conditioned or trained to undervalue yourself.
And the more you have put this into practice over the years by blaming yourself, putting yourself last and criticising yourself, the more you may have wearily just assumed that this is the way it is for you, no matter how much you would like to feel better. but that would just be the anxiety and low self esteem talking.
Because it is possible to learn how to have a healthy level of self esteem that will help you feel happier, confident and better about yourself and what you are capable of.
Low self esteem often arises when you adopt negative views about yourself from someone else. Maybe you were criticised by your parents who always found fault in you, perhaps that teacher systematically humilated you in class or perhaps you were bullied by someone.
And whether it was an ongoing thing or a one off event, it somehow stuck in your mind and you began to consider yourself as not being good enough or unworthy or not deserving happiness and success.
And since then, maybe without even realising, you’ve made yourself feel low, bad and anxious by blaming yourself for things you know aren’t even really your fault, by putting yourself last and everyone else before you, by comparing yourself to others and worrying that they think badly of you and by assuming that it will always be this way.
To cope with feeling bad, you may have even used food, alcohol, smoking or drugs to try and make yourself feel better for a while – only to find that those sticking plasters didn’t heal the low self esteem problem going on inside.
So if this resonates with you right now, how can you build self esteem?
To help you move from low self esteem to healthy self esteem, take these actions so that you feel better about yourself and within yourself:
1. Walk Tall
From today, be sure to walk taller, like a piece of string is gently lifting your head up. Look up and around you, smile more and walk tall. These changes in body language will help you feel better and better.
2. Focus on Your Strengths
Start focusing on what you can do and what you do well. Low self esteem tends to shift your focus to what isn’t as good as you’d like or comparing yourself to others. So start taking time to reflect on what you, or what others tell you, you do well. Include EVERYTHING you can do. That may be things at home, at work or day to day. Some may seem ordinary or routine as they are so easy to you, yet it’s guaranteed that there are others out there who wish they could do those things as easily as you.
3. Find The Shades Of Grey
It’s easy to fall into the trap of viewing everything in all or nothing or black or white terms. Low self esteem can make you think that things have to either be perfect in every way or they are a complete disaster. For example, stuttering over one sentence in a presentation doesn’t mean that the whole thing was useless any more than taking a wrong turning on a car journey means the entire trip was a disaster.
Get used to giving yourself a fair assessment of the stuff you do. One way to do this is to give yourself a mark out of 100 when you do something and recognise how you achieved that mark and what you could learn to make it even better next time.
4. Build Self Esteem From Within
Instead of thinking about how badly things could turn out or how bad you’ll feel when you make an idiot of yourself in front of others, start using your imagination in a more constructive fashion.
Think about when and where you want to have confidence and self belief and then vividly imagine being there and feeling good. Imagine watching yourself walking taller, smiling and looking comfortable in that situation. In this way you can build solid foundations of self esteem by filling your mind with empowering thoughts of being strong enough to handle whatever comes your way.
5. Monitor Internal Conversations
One quick way to solidify low self esteem is to constantly criticise and belittle yourself in your mind. You can quickly and habitually become your own worst critic. So from today start increasing the volume of empowering conversations you have with yourself. Mentally affirm that you are doing ok and encourage yourself by recognising you are learning and getting stronger and happier day by day.
If you are fed up of feeling low and anxious and like everyone else is better than you then I can help you find the tools, strategies and techniques that will allow you to increase your self belief, self confidence and self-esteem.
By unlearning the thoughts, beliefs and behaviours that have been running up until now, you can learn new, healthy, positive ways to enjoy life and to achieve the things you want to. Get in touch today to book your FREE initial consultation and find out more.
To your success,
Anxiety Management Specialist